Tuesday, February 26, 2013

its been almost 4 years

People just dont seem to blog anymore. i like to get my thoughts out in words though, and i should really try to keep it as a journal of our crazy changing lives. i said from the beginning that 2013 was not going to be a great year. its been emotional, scary, and hard. is it still only february? thats a lot to handle in a short period of time. and yet, despite all of it i am truly happy and i laugh hard everyday. i went from being single with no responsibilities to having a full time job and a full time family. 4 kids and a husband i never see! every time people find out my situation they always say wow you must really love your husband to take all of that on. and i do! its amazing how much i love him and how easy he makes the hard times. we found out early in january that we were going to have to move. and logically, we started looking in the midway/heber area so i could be closer to work. so many many hours i have out into my commuting over that past 2 years. rent for the most part is much higher in that area than we are used to so it was tough finding anything. we were excited for a time thinking that we could build a home in the area, my credit being perfect, but shanes being poor. it just couldnt be an option. all our efforts seemed to be being shot down. we started looking in orem instead but it just didnt feel right. i have a very understanding work where the kids could come over after school and play for a couple hours before i went home, allowing shane to work longer hours and be home earlier, and best of all, not work on the weekends! luckily one day i found a home for rent exactly 5 homes down the road from my work and only 3 homes from the elementary school. i signed immediately! were downgrading on space, so that will be hard, but there are enough perks to outweigh the tougher spots. and keeping fingers crossed, were hoping to be able to rent our current provo home out. well find out this week. but were moving in just 3 days! and i hardly feel prepared. we dont have health insurance at work, so instead they offered to do basic blood work and a specialty test for each of us. i chose allergy testing, inhalant and food. i had been having aches and pains and digestion problems and such so we thought it might shed some light onto it. it came back highly allergic to gluten, yeast, and sugar. my favorite things in the world, bread and candy! its basically what i live on. i started off on everything i was allergic to, even mildly to see how things changed for me. i made it two weeks and i wasnt feeling different. well, not better. i was feeling worse. my whole body hurt. i started hurting so bad i couldnt sit up to drive sometimes. my hands, my feet, my hips, my thighs. it was constant. finally the doctor i work for convinced me to do some blood tests. we tested several things but mainly we did and arthritis panel, and tested for micoplasma pneumonia. well, as it turns out, i have rheumatoid arthritis and extremely high levels of acute and chronic micoplasma. the tests were worth the money! as i finally had an answer to my pain i have had for a year and a half. i dont feel crazy anymore. the treatment i am on is lots of supplements and 2 antibiotic IVs a week. we will reevaluate in 6 weeks, and we are testing for lyme disease just in case, hopefully next week. i dont think i have it, but the way i am responding to treatment is somewhat in line with lyme, so better safe than sorry. i also had the other doctor in the office do my physical for me. i got the kind of news you dont want to get. pre cancerous cells...i had a 2 hour visit with her after going over all my options and what this means for me and my future. terrifying news. i actually found out both test results on the same day. valentines day! i opted to try the natural treatment first, its inexpensive and less painful. and if it fails to work i will be forced to do other harsher treatments. i have treatments twice a week and they arent pleasant by any means, but they are tolerable. some people mock natural healing, but its amazing to see the changes in peoples lives. i will know in june if the treatment is successful. its the kind of news that forces someone to evaluate their life and make sure you have and are doing what you want in life. just in case things get worse. someone may not want a child, but when you question the ability to have children, it becomes a horrible place to be in. if i questioned it before i know i definitely want a baby, and i pray that this all heals so that i can have the opportunity. the kids are doing great. derrick is changing from elementary school in provo to an intermediate school in heber. this means lockers and they have netbooks for each child, this secured the move for him. we have had some anxiety about pulling collin from his school. he goes to a school for autism and they have done wonders with him. the schools in wasatch county are fantastic though. the elementary school he is going to go to is assigning him a personal aid who will stay with him all day if he needs and eventually break away from him. they even have a special dyslexia program for skyler. i feel like we are blessed to be able to get them into better schools where they can grow. i was so hesitant to move them in the middle of the school year, because i always hated doing that when my family moved. but everyone is in good spirits and the principal is taking them on a tour on friday. life is hard right now, with hard decisions. and im so tired after work getting treatments everyday. but, in the least cheesy way possible, love is enough to make it work. the kids know im "sick" and they try to help how they can. shane will be commuting until we can find him a closer job that we dont take a pay cut on. and we are going to be doing some car shopping probably next weekend! his car is my old car that is just not making it any longer. he deserves a better vehicle! especially since he will be the commuter now! in the meantime i guess ill let him use my car :)

Monday, June 29, 2009

im scared of birds

my whole life i have had strange experiences. things that honestly probably only happen to one in 500 people. but they make me laugh and although strange and sometimes painful, i cant complain because i would rather have stories to tell and be entertained. so heres what happened as of late.

so, i was enjoying my day. no work, nice weather. i was out for a run along the river trail path, watching the breeze gently blowing through the trees, the clouds slowly moving, the heat, which made me decide to cut my run short. i needed some water asap. so i was running, out of breath, up a small hill when i saw a small bird skimming across the horizon, landing, perched on the power line. i payed no special attention to him, until i felt a thud on the back of my head and saw him circling back to his perch. at this point i reached up to my head to see if the dumb thing has pooped on my head. no..that was weird. i keep running and it happens again. seriously? is this bird actually following me AND hitting my on the head? it didnt hurt..but it was definitely deliberate. it happened a third time before i decided i needed to take action. mostly because i was honestly getting scared. a second bird joined the power line. i decided i was going to be ready the next time. i was running sideways watching him. i saw him swoop down to attack me a fourth time. as he got closer i swung my arm out and he retreated. this happened a fifth time where i fought back and he retreated. i booked it the rest of the way up the hill.

i was in disbelief. so i decided to warn the guy running past me down the hill. theres some crazy birds i awkwardly yelled after him. he smirked and said ok. i felt dumb so i added theyre attacking people...to his back as he was already halfway down the hill. i hope he got attacked. but only so he didnt think it was an awkward way to hit on him.

i didnt take the time during this crisis situation to remember that there was a busy street next to me and bikers passing by during part of it. i think two things. the ones who saw me acting strange probably thought it was training for special olympics because i was running in a rather interesting fashion, but only to protect myself. i dont have a lot of hair i can afford to lose. and i didnt know how vicious this rabid bird was capable of being. the second is, children and adults alike may be scared of birds now. anyone who has seen the classic hitchcock, the birds, could be living in fear that this fictionaly tale has now become a reality. and to be honest im not prepared to say its not.

so to all those who are enjoying the summer outdoors, be wary for these innocent looking black birds that are truly beady eyed hellions who seek only blood. i could understand if they thought i was wanting their freshly layed eggs, but i dont even like eggs. too much cholesterol, i imagine more with a developing bird fetus inside. so what i have learned today is, sometimes minding your own business just isnt good enough.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

at times like these i say...really?...dont be so damn benign

so mostly at the repeated requests of dear shezzy i am posting after a much thoughtless drought. things have been iffy and i cant be creative for others when i cant be creative for myself. so anyways. i feel chatty, dont have anyone to talk to because i have the worlds worst cell phone, which im sure i will ramble about shortly, and so here is my pointless drivel...is that a word? sometimes i feel like one of those backwoods wannabes that makes up words that sound like real ones.

anyways, theres really no better place to start that project i hate my phone. these words have probably escaped my mouth close to 6,122 times in the past 12 months. i may be exaggerating with a thrown out number, but i think the number could be exaggerated down cause i kinda hate my phone. i think its pretty, but i mean honestly, is beauty worth the extra effort to say this phrase on a near bi-hourly rate? how many batteries must one buy in a year? how many buttons can fall off? how many lost calls must i endure? how many chargers let me know that they are unauthorized?

speaking of unauthorized, today at work i was kinda bored so i was playing on the computer a bit. and i was going into a place i had never been when all of a sudden the screen stopped me and the following words left me feeling nervous and slightly paranoid...YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!...what the crap? cause...i thought i was. who is watching me from inside this small box? or is it some sort of weird religious reference? im not sure...either way i felt it violating and rudely inappropriate.

im wearing a knee brace, and it kinda hurts the back of my leg. so...when exactly does the pain stop if it causes more? is that a complaint? cause if this works, i will be way beyond complaints. who knew a hurt knee would hurt so bad.

so, i hate bugs probably as much as the average joe...ok, lets be honest, like 10 times more...like as much as someone hates terrorist attacks. maybe more. they scare me nearly as bad. and i cant pin point why, but i have had my share of run ins with the little bastards to know that i have limits. i have 2 bug stories just from today, and like 2 others i should mention.
the first happened a few years back, when one night i found out that my favorite purse ever was the home of a gigantic mother spiders baby egg. it hatched and i had a lesson in science and found out that baby spiders are white upon birth. i found out because my blue and yellow comforter was a shuddering moving white blob that i never slept on again. number two...a spider bit my hip and i have a scar from it. it was eating my precious flesh. ew..and what the crap? it was ginormous and i probably should have gone to the doctor. good thing im lazy and when it itched i applied noni chap stick. the stuff works, what can i say? k...so today. ill start with the simple story. as i was pulling into the garage i saw a spider crawling on the moving door and thought ew. but when i got out it had done a crazy flip maneuver and landed on the car. i decided that i was going to be brave. i took off my shoe and as i slo-moed down he jumped and i hit the car. he came towards me. i ran. oh, and the other day one was swimming in the pool...why dont we have a swimming move called the spider? cause they are supposed to drown in water. anyways, this next one sucks. so i hate bugs, but somehow they are on me all the time. i dont know why or how. but today i arrived at work, was putting my apron on...yes i wear a hot green apron at work...and i felt like something bit me. but i usually over react. but no...somehow an ant like creature found its way to my arm pit and bit me. i caught him fleeing the scene. i was peeved. how is this possible? im open for suggestions

and apparently i unknowingly worship the pagan arachnoid god because i just saw a nasty spider

so, most people use blogs to update people on whats new in their lives. i just dont find that interesting on my end. perhaps its that i have a weird secretive like attitude about my life, and at the same time tend to share too much information with people. its a hard balane to understand. plus i dont know if its interesting enough. i figure these random insights of the top of my rambling mind share more about me than saying that i went to the bank this afternoon. the tiny things in my life make me much happier than anything else. like how i went running and stepped on a frog. well, i mean that doesnt make me happy, but the fact that it jumped at the exact moment my foot was coming down to the exact spot the ball of my foot would hit. thats talent on his little part, and he has some bad luck. i couldnt bare going back to check on him. i didnt want to make a scene. there could have been tears.

yes i just said i hate you to my phone. that counts. cause i hold it in one spot and in any given moment i go from having service to not to roaming to not to service again. for no reason! i hate you.

my co worker and i were chatting. shes quite lengthy tall and has large feet. im kinda stubby short and have baby sized feet. we both cant seem to find clothes that fit. we decided that in our next lives we will be allowed to share with each other. i only want a size in shoes and an inch in height. she said she wouldnt miss either. makes sense to me.

but on a serious note i wonder how hard i work towards the things i want. i honestly dont know the answer to that question. i want things to be different because i kinda have tendencies to live a very self destructive lifestyle. im getting far too old to be doing that.

oh ya and happy birthday to me, a little late. i just love celebrations. so happy birthday to you too if it applies within a oh i guess 3 month radius.

working in a bookstore rocks because with like a million books each customer comes in expecting that we will have read them all and know exactly which book they read as a child some odd 20 years ago by what they think the cover looked like...seriously?
but my favorite is when they say something snippy like...oh, well i thought everyone knew what that was, but i guess not...and i smile politely and say well sorry, but secretly im thinking, youre like 60, im like 24 and i doubt we have or ever had the same reading interests. dont give me your sass. i invented sass.

anyways. im done. but that was fun eh? hope you enjoyed rachelle.
remember when i used to draw pictures and write and such for you and your boys? ha i should have listened to old campy and gone into journalism. i seriously wish i had. who knew i loved to write. i think ill write a book. anyways. peace out!

Monday, March 31, 2008

why i love florida more than you...

I just spent the most glorious week in florida. why was it glorious? because not only did i get to not think about stressful things all week, i also got to wake up to a beautiful view everyday. a gorgeous golf course, that ironically was almost the death of me and stacie, but pretty still. i obtained a tan, dopey kissed my hand, i pretty much became a tennis star, saw my favorite person in the whole world, became a fake fan of hannah montana, and practically laughed 90% of the week away. though there were the sleepless nights as the room literally filled with the soothing sounds of snoring, the blisters and cramps of endless walking- making records of 11 minutes across the park, scary sun burns, and being called rachael and barb...but none of that can break the wonders of the trip and here is a quote wall of reasons why...though barb and stacie will be the only ones to understand it im sure:

---i thought you were about to burst (stacie about me and my excitement on the first day)

---barb you slut (stacie about barb and her low cut suit and story of how it fell off)

---ew! sorry...there was a piece of lettuce in my shoe (me...about the lettuce that somehow scooped up into my flip flop as we were walking)

---cruella deville (not sure who started it...about the woman who highly resembled her)

---i want to be very second on the very front (stacie...oh how i shall miss the midnight sprints to space mountain)

---in it to win it...do or die! (the trip motto)

---dreams really do come true! (jan as she tearfully hugged the disneyworld worker who gave her a tinkerbell pin

---wheres janet? (the most commonly asked question on the trip...seriously maybe 50 times)

---mother? (me on the safari)

---i think hes autistic (stacie about the so called volunteer at indiana jones)

---thirty minutes?! run! (me as i sprinted to space mountain)

--- what the...? oh my gosh stacie run! (me as i realized we were being chased down the hotel hall by a couple of crazies)

---we were shaking! (stacie as we were trying to hide our rude comments in silent laughter...i think the taxi really was shaking)

---um...not to be rude, but im kinda glad it was you and not me (stacie to me about me being dripping wet...and then me about janet losing her luggage)

---wheres my shoe?! (me as i lost my shoe in airport security)

---im stuck! (me trying to get off the carousel)

---cool and the gang (jan and margie)

---its margee and not margie!!? (barb as we were playing a trick on her)

---did you just dance into that guy? (barb to me after i danced into some guy)

---margie: who did you go with last time rachael?
stephanie: stephanie. my family. (my response to the consistent referrals to me by the wrong name after 3 hours of sleep...did i mention i hate mornings)

as you can tel it was quite spectacular! invite me on your next vacation...i promise it wont be boring

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

its been a while

Its been like a month! crazy town...a month of sickness! i have been on my fifteenth death bed in the past four or five years. what can i say? im a few cells ahead of aids..my immune system is almost indiscernible.

My month in ten points or less:
a. the peach incident was reborn in the form of jelly beans
b. season two of lost...enough said
c. pj was sworn in as my official drug dealer
d. i bled from places one shouldnt bleed from
e. someone was offended because i assumed jamie was a girls name
f. i slept for 15+ hours one day
g. i lost my voice from yelling at a basketball game that didnt mean that much to me
h. i became sappy...it comes in spurts...and well i just cant handle the cuteness of everyones blooming love..it catches a tear in my eye with every engagement
i. i tried to trick my hair into thinking it had been washed...i know, im becoming more and moer lazy
j. i will be continuing my job search in the houston area...and possibly others
k. Florida is now only 2 and 1/2 weeks away and i could not be more thrilled. i need to get away from provo possibly more than i have ever needed anything.
l. I am so over winter this year
m. theres a movie in my collection thats upside down and it drives me nuts everyday but for some reason never fix it
n. i think i went over ten points. its hard to keep track when they are letters...

Anyways...i am terribly sad that my brother will soon be moving away...and its not just him. its quite a collection of people that i have grown quite fond of over these last few years. sigh...im just not sure where life will take me over the course of the next 6 months...

i thought there was a secret cult meeting on the hill behind my house...turns out its a hiking trail...

i thought i was in an earth quake...turns out that pacific steel blew up

conclusion: i think a lot of things that just arent real

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

im lost!

im addicted to lost...i blame j. but i just cant get enough. i cant stop thinking about sawyer...yes, i do tend to bypass nice boys like jack for the rough complicated ones.

whats happened since my last post:
--mary came and i lost a lot of sleep, but in a fun way
--i learned to hate my job more...somehow direct deposit got off...i just want my blood and sweat earned cash so i can waste it on bills and such
--i heard baby got back in a jazzy soundin way...wow...its great
--i spent time inside the coolest igloo in town

my favorite quotes since last post:
--quiet and shy stephanie...girl at work...evidentally work sucks me more dry than i thought. i havent been described in this manner in years. and actually thats not my favorite quote..its a disliked one. but i guess i have earned it. reason 1200 why i need a new job

best witnessing since last post:
a woman awkwardly entered the gym with her three children and began running on the treadmill. wow, has she got it all. three kids, time to work out..she has the life she always dreamed of. her son was dribbling a basketball and i was slowing to end my own determined run when i heard a loud noise...i looked over to see the treadmill to my left tipped forward and the woman holding on for dear life. somehow her sons basketball was sucked underneath...it makes no sense but it did. and of course i witnessed it. i love my life. but workers came in they lifted the treadmill but to no avail. the ball was deflated and stuck. i shall be returning this evening and i hope that my exercise haven is not ruined because of her unfortunate incident. i say splurge for an hour of babysitter

in logan there is a schizophrenic who stands on the corner of a busy street intersection screaming. upon lowering the window it turns out hes quoting scripture and crying repentance unto the passing cars. at first i chuckled, but i feel bad for him. he seems to live on the street. but as crazy as his medical charts may say he is, i thought it was probably a similar scene to what the people of olden times saw when prophets would spend their days screaming repentance.

on my mind:

i always wanted to write a book. and i actually started one after my four month saga last year. i feel i have a lot to contribute and my hard spent dollars...well, more my parents hard spent dollars...i feel, should be used to help other people too. so, i am seriously thinking about it cause i love writing so much. but i would rather it not be super specific so that it can contribute to a wider audience, so it will take a lot of thought. but i changed my work schedule so i dont hate it so much so ill have more time to ponder. its just annoying though. i wish i could write it and fix people...learning that i am not a christ has been hard this week.

this is supposed to be my favorite year. last year was the worst ever, so i expected that once i had experienced or helped experience all that i could last year that this one would rock. i also hoped my 23rd year would be great. and its been fun so far, but this isnt what i wanted. im learning to cut the expectations. i just feel worn out. i was chatting with an old roommate the other day and she was asking me about my plans and its hard to think about my plans cause they are kinda nonexistent. and i used to be ok with that cause i was recovering from recovering. and i always felt awkward meeting new people cause the subject comes up inevitably and unless i want to tell them my whole life sob story they dont get it and so i dont like to touch it. but lately its been weighing on myself and i told my friend a tiny bit of it all and she was shocked, i could tell, cause i mean lets face it. i have somehow managed to hide the most important event in my life more so than i ever did anything else over the last 10 years...and not cause im ashamed, its just not a socially acceptable topic. i am just rambling. but i need a life plan...i just have no idea how to make it.

count down to....
florida: 6 1/2 weeks
rachelle and the girls come: im not sure but probably 8 weeks
fun: 15 minutes...im sure of it

random calendar page: suddenly john realized he didnt awnt paper OR plastic. he wanted something new....something fantastic....
you go john!

Sunday, January 20, 2008

just so cold

first off yay! im going to florida in march. i cant wait to get away from this frigid weather! though i think by the time we go it wont be so cold anymore..but its more the thought that counts.

headlined story of the day:
today at church a guy in a wheel chair and his two friends came in late...the two friends acme in first leaving the door way open for him to electronically move in. however as he started to come in the door clicked and started to shut slightly swiping his legs. he immediately shifted into reverse mildly yelping "oh crap!". one of the girls jumped up exclaiming "oh no!" and ran to his rescue. as he came in he apologized for saying crap at church. i had a hard time making it through the rest of the hour.

thats all for today. short and sweet and hilarious